Monty python's quest for Kingdom hearts
by halfdragon62
Summary: crossoverKing Sora is searching for fellow key bearers to join him in his court at Radiant garden, little knowing that he and his friends are soon to be given a holy quest.  rated for mild references and coarse language in later chapters
1. Chapter 1

Don't own kingdom hearts or monty python.

Monty Python's quest for Kingdom hearts.

Chapter 1: Gummy blocks.

A heavy mist had settled over the plain of damp green blades, and there was a heavy weight seemingly coming out of nowhere, pressing anything it could against the sloping wet hills. The moist dawn air whistled a sad, tone deaf tune, as though desperately begging for the sky's mercy, to allow the sun to shine, and the sound of coconuts banging together filled the otherwise empty air.

Wait. Did I say coconuts? Isn't this a temperate zone? Well that doesn't make any sense…anyway, over the smooth, grassy hills came three, tall figures silhouetted against the little light that shone through the grey clouds that curtained the sky like a comfy, thick duvet. And so they came riding over the… wait a moment.

Bloody bastards, they're banging coconuts togeth-no, wait…gummy blocks, damn gummy blocks! So, anyway, they came 'riding' over the hillsides. The shortest, a girl, no older than sixteen, was possessed of the most amazingly beautiful dark red hair, scarlet blue eyes to match an unclouded sky, and flawless pale skin, and a friendly, peace loving smile. She was dressed in wonderfully crafted pink, form fitting armour, with an intricate painting of a white dove bearing a golden sword in its delicate talons on the mid section of her armour. Strapped to her waist by a thin belt was a key shaped blade decorated with blue, gold, green and pink flowers, as she jogged alongside her companions, she held aloft two bright yellow, rock like objects in each of her delicate, pink gloved hands. She frequently banged the two objects together above her head which created a soft: _clip clop, clip clop, clip clop_.

The second to tallest trotted along between his two companions. His most notable feature was a simple, golden, oversized crown which sat diagonally on his head of messy blondish brown hair, which pointed in every direction like gravity defiant peaks. His face was that of a boy around the age of his female companion. His eyes had that same blue gleam, but it was slightly brighter, and instead of a peaceful, friendly glow, they sparkled with naivety and mischievousness, but there was also pride and a soul seeking justice in those eyes of his, and his lightly tanned lips would otherwise be smiling save for the grim weather. He wore strong looking silver armour, which was crisscrossed with scratches, and a gold crown had been delicately printed upon it. At his waist hung a weapon similar to the girl's. A long sword shaped like a key, it was a simple weapon, with a silver blade, a red woven leather handle, and gold hand guards.

Like the girl, he carried aloft two bright blocks, in his right a blue one, in his left, a white one.

And finally, the tallest, and by far, the most formidable of the three. A boy but a year away from manhood, thick threads of silver hair fell halfway to his waist, his eyes concealed by a jet black band tied to the back of his head, easily standing out against his hair. His ears strained for any sound outside of the casual _clip clop_. His lips were set in a constant and grim frown, his thick shoulders were covered in grey metal plates, as was his torso. At his waist hung a scimitar like weapon in the shape of a bat's wing, and his fingers constantly trembled as he banged his two purple gummy blocks together, prepared to loose the objects and draw his blade.

They continued onwards over the hills. Until…

"Whoa!" the crowned figure commanded, raising a hand. His companions halted their gummy block banging abruptly and came to a stop. The crowned boy pointed a determined finger towards a small, yet sturdy looking castle built from blocks of large, cracked, wolf fur grey stone.

The crowned boy continued his trot towards the castle, and his companions followed suit. The castle loomed ever closer, standing tall and dark out of the mist like a heartless in broad daylight. The crowned teen gritted his teeth momentarily at the thought, but waved it away and continued his gummy banging until he and his companions stopped five feet away from the ominous stone wall before them.

The boy looked over the wall, left to right. Moss had begun to form in the cracks, and there were no banners draped at the top most part of the wall. The Boy opened his mouth to yell, but his silver haired friend quickly tapped him on the shoulder and whispered behind his glove;

"What is it that we're looking at?" he asked in a mature, hushed voice, for although he was a more than capable wielder of his own key blade, his self impairment could only bring him little advantage, and greater disadvantage.

The younger of the boys rolled his eyes and, much to the older boy's annoyance, didn't reply to his enquiry. The girl quietly giggled to herself, having overhead the older boy's whisperings. The brown haired teen addressed whoever strolled along the parapets of the castle with a loud, childish, yet authoritative voice.

"HELLO!" the boy's voice echoed over the hills and to the woods a quarter of a mile eastward, but it wasn't until a few moments later that there came a reply.

"Hello? Who's there? What do you want?" a shadowed head peeked over the parapets and shouted.

"Good morning! I am King Sora! Lord of the key bearers chosen by the heaven queen's divine wisdom! Defeater of the heartless and conqueror of the nobodies! These are my companions, Kairi…" Sora gestured to the girl, who curtsied politely to the shadowed head

"… and Riku!" Sora then gestured to the silver haired teen, who took a deep bow, despite his somewhat confused state, being totally unaware that he was standing but a few feet away from a wall. Sora continued.

"We have ridden the length and breadth of this country in search of fellow key bearers to join us in our court in Radiant Garden! We wish to speak with your lord and master!"

Silence followed, and only the moaning wind could be heard. King Sora was about to continue when the shadowed finally replied.

"What? Riding on horses?"

"Why, yes." Replied Sora.

"No you 'avn't! You each got two coconuts and you're bang'n 'em together!"

"Well, actually they're gummy blocks…"

"Gummy blocks! Bloody hell… you's are crazy! How'd you even get'em? They belong in the atmosphere!"

"Well maybe a sparrow…"

"A sparrow! Carry'n gummy blocks! A sparrow can't carry gummi blocks! They're too heavy!"

"It could grip it by the husk!" Sora replied angrily. At this, Riku groaned, and Kairi absentmindedly began reading this month's copy of _woman's day_ magazine.

"It's not a question of where he grips it!" replied the guard bitterly. Sora gave an exasperated sigh.

"It's all a matter of weight ratios, a sparrow simply couldn't-"

"Would you please inform your master-" began Sora.

"But what if _two_ sparrows were to carry it?" interjected a new voice, and another shady face appeared over the parapets.

"Well…maybe, but certainly not one, that's all I'm saying…"

"Oh, yeah of course"

"Then again… Maybe instead of a sparrow, it could be a wyvern heartless?"

"Now you're just being silly…"

"Hold on, weren't you talking to someone?"

"Oh yeah, King Sora."

"King Sora!? Not… _the_ King Sora?"

"Yeah!"

"Well, well! King Sora! It certainly is a… Where'd he go?"

Alas, for King Sora and his companions had decided to ride on, and with a soft frown on her face, Kairi whispered to Sora.

"I told you we shouldn't have picked up these gummy blocks."

End of chapter 1.so, chapter 1, please review and tell me what you think? unoriginal? i'll probably end up editing it. But please, tell me what you think first. (any suggestions for who should play what character would be great).


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

The enigmatic soldier

It was now Noon, and the sun hovered in the centre of the sky like a plate of blinding gold, below it, the eastern forest hummed with life, and the air itself appeared to move and dance, like tiny fey dancing to the song that was the forest's life. Deer skipped and pranced in the sunlight clearings padded with golden leaves that had survived well past winter, and so they danced, their coats of bright brown glowed, and their dark eyes sparkled with silver.

But alas… it not to last…

"Alright everybody, Pack up!" yelled a squat man appearing from the deep undergrowth, his raven hair was combed to the left, his earth brown eyes were large and watery, and sat high on the man's puffy pink face, and his thick, broken nose stuck out at a strange angle to the right. His lips were set in a stern line from either side of his face. He wore an expensive looking crimson tux, the collars flecked with green, and expensive business pants the colour of a rage full storm. And finally, on his feet… were bright pink girls' running shoes.

At the sound of his voice, all colour and life seemed to drain away from the forest, the air no longer sparkled, and the deer no longer danced, and their once happy expressions turned to ones of shame. The man gave a firm grunt and led them through the undergrowth, just as a certain king and his companions came trotting, their gummy blocks banging together over their heads.

Unfortunately, one of them wasn't faring so well in the forest…

_Trip_

_Crash!_

The self blinded Riku had for the 52nd time, fallen over a gnarled, twisted tree root. The young man picked himself up as he had done so before and halfway to full height, his head slammed against a thick tree branch.

"AARGH!" he cried in dismay, anger creasing his face. Sora and Kairi turned to face Riku, who was now sitting on the ground massaging his head as he muttered bitter words to the forest.

"Tell us why you wear that thing again?" asked Sora calmly, still clutching his two gummy blocks midway past his chest. Riku glanced at his long time friends, although he could not see it, he could tell that Kairi was on the verge of hysteric giggles. As he contemplated Sora's enquiry, his face darkened. He stood (cautiously), and made sure to not hit his head again, and he answered;

"Because my eyes don't lie." His face was downcast, Sora was about to reply when the clang of metal upon metal filled the forest with silent dread and anticipation. Sora and his companions stood for a moment, staring towards the south eastern border of the forest.

Sora's eyes sparkled, his lips twitched into a half smile and he gave the command to ride. So, they again took up their gummy blocks and trotted towards the sound of clashing metal.

Without warning, however, a root, seemingly of its own accord, stuck itself out in Riku's path; he tripped, and let out a silent _oof!_

When he stood back up and dusted himself off, he suddenly realised his friends had continued on, unaware of his mishap.

Sora and Kairi, had, indeed, forgotten Riku in their eagerness to satisfy their curiosity, and as they trotted around the last tree, they found it.

Before them, the forest totally disappeared, turning from the bright colourful habitat into a lifeless, barren desert landscape, in the distance, great slabs of orange stones the size of castles rose from the flat sands like looming giants, watchful yet never moving. But this was not what caught their eye. Five metres away two figures were locked in epic combat, behind them, Sora spotted a narrow, one-man bridge across a three metre chasm, which spread far down into the earth and into shadow.

As for the figures, they pranced about, locking blades, counter attacking, blocking. Both men seemed equally matched, yet they were mere blurs to Sora and Kairi, however, they could see that one man had long, waist length moon light hair, with two long, thick bangs over his eyes, and was dressed in black, hemmed with violet; they guessed that his face was pale, and had received a few red streaks from the furious combat, and in both of his black gloved hands he held aloft a shining blade of master workmanship, a katana, nearly as long as the man he was fighting. But the man's most interesting feature was a huge, black, raven's wing, which sprouted from his left shoulder blade, which he flapped every now and then to help him dodge and jump away from his foe.

His opponent matched him, move for move, and was by far the bulkier of the two men, his face and hair could not be seen, for he wore a helmet wrought perfectly of gold, bronze, and a strange, red metal. A dark visor shielded his eyes, and two bronze 'ears' pointed skywards. The rest of him was armoured much the same way, except that strange, bright orange wires ran underneath the man's plate mail like alien veins. On his shoulders was strapped a blood red cape, which billowed and swirled as he fought. And lo! Sora's eyes grew to the size of golf balls, for his eyes were locked upon the weapon wielded by said knight.

A Key blade.

Its blade was wrought of decorated dark gold, and the hand guard of steel painted greenish blue. At the tip of the blade were terrible, squared spikes, and the knight used these to catch his opponent's blade, leaving him open to an attack by a gauntleted fist.

The silver haired man was sent reeling from said attack. He landed flat on his back, and barely had time to right himself as the knight charged toward him, bellowing a mighty war cry. The silver haired man, brought up his blade in a blind parry, and the blades met once again. Lightning crackled along each swordsman's weapons, as their two wills collided together just as their swords did, finally the silver haired man beat his attacker away, and mounted a counter attack.

As this happened, Sora unsheathed his own key blade and, eager to assist the armoured warrior, was about to charge into the fray when Kairi's delicate hand held him back. He shot her a questioning glance.

"We don't know who is at fault here." She stated calmly, her lips twisted into a small frown. At this, Sora's sword arm dropped, he nodded to his companion, and they continued to watch the combat.

The two figures had locked blades once again, the knight grunted with the effort of holding back his opponent, while the silver haired man's face was constantly twisted into a furious frown. With a cry of anger, he jumped away from his opponent, his wing beating powerfully, and, as he landed, he drew a second, considerably shorter blade (AN: 1) from a sheathe resting on the right side of his waist belt. For a moment, the two faced each-other; the silver haired man now wielded two blades, and the knight, with his key blade. Then, surprisingly, the silver haired man loosened his posture, his face relaxed, and he began to float sky ward, his wing beating softly. Sora, Kairi, and the knight stared up at the man as he did this, and then, the man began to glow with an infernal, dark fire, and he muttered, his hands waving;

"Sin… Harvest." He commanded in a fearful voice, for it was deep and fore boding, and Sora knew instantly that the man was working some infernal magic against the knight. The knight seemed to know this as well, for he took up his blade, and leapt skywards, towards the winged man, and with a great cry he clove the man's wing from his shoulder, and lo! His arcane workings were dispelled, and he cried with terrible pain as he fell back to earth.

The knight, landed rather gracefully, while the silver haired man fell flat on his back, his swords landing beside him, he looked up at the knight in terror, his cheeks were suddenly soaked with tears, and he cried out (rather childishly);

"I- I'm going to tell my Mummy on you!" With this, he leapt to his feet and began running full throttle through the dense trees, taking to notice to Sora and Kairi, leaving his swords behind.

"Chicken! Chicken!" the knight shouted after his opponent, thirty seconds of strained silence seemed to tear at the air around them. The knight finally sighed, and he made his way to the head of the stone bridge and knelt towards the forest, resting his hands on the hilt of his sword and bowed his head as though praying.

Sora gave an impressed glance toward Kairi, nodding enthusiastically.

"What do you think?"

Kairi pursed her lips in concentration, and looked around Sora to stare at the knight, finally she replied.

"I think he's got potential."

Sora turned, and addressed an absent Riku.

"What say you- where is he?"

At this, Kairi frantically looked about, trying to spot their missing friend.

"Riku!" they shouted to the forest, but there came no reply. Sora turned to face Kairi, his face serious, and mouth set in a firm line.

"Go find him, I will attempt to recruit… the knight." Said Sora, as he fumbled when finding a name for the man.

Kairi nodded, and then set out back into the forest, quickly disappearing into the undergrowth. Sora turned to face the soldier, and trotted towards him.

"You fight with the strength of many men, sir knight." He announced boldly.

The knight remained still. Sora's brow creased, and he continued.

"You are most welcome to join me and my companions in my court at Radiant Garden."

A fly buzzed close to the knight's head, then landed, only to have the knight swat it with a gloved hand, then resume his kneeling.

Sora raised an eyebrow, and tapped his foot in annoyance, never before had he encountered someone so rude.

"Alright then! You have proven your worth, now step aside so that when my friends arrive-"

"None shall pass."

Came a deep menacing voice from the knight, who hadn't moved.

"What!?"

"None shall pass." Repeated the knight. Sora stared at the man's visor, hoping to spot the human eyes veiled by hand crafted metal, but to no avail, for the man's eyes were shrouded under said visor as though hidden by a thick smog. Sora's lips twisted into an angry snarl.

"Now listen here, I have no quarrel with you, now step aside." He said, seething.

The knight finally glanced up at the king, and he chuckled to himself, for he looked upon a boy.

"Or what?" the knight asked, calm as spring morning.

"Or face the king's wrath!" shouted Sora, bending down to look eye to eye with the knight, who now stood to his full height, his blade held gingerly in his right hand. He addressed the boy; his voice was now filled with malice.

"I move… For _no_ man."

Sora stared up into the face of the mysterious knight, the knight who dared speak to king Sora in such a manner!

And so, drawing his blade, Sora shouted.

"SO BE IT!"

the air hummed with living ferocity as the two key blade masters locked blades, as Sora blocked, counter attacked, and lunged, his _kingdom key_ seem to whistle a fast tune as though sung by birds singing of urgency, yet it was a simple, friendly tone, like a parent reading a story to a keenly listening child.

The knight's blade whistled too as it met with Sora's blade, but its song was one of wars, violence and bloodshed, both masters of the key felt and heard these songs, but they continued to fight, the ugly clash and clang of steel ringing in their ears.

"You're much better than the other one!" shouted the knight over the din of battle.

"Not so bad yourself!" replied Sora beating away his foe's sword.

"How much do you practice each day?"

"Six hours, you?" They again locked blades.

"twelve." Replied the knight dryly. He overpowered Sora, who fell backwards, and brought down his blade to deal a finishing blow. Sora rolled aside, and the knight's blade met dry earth. The knight gave a delighted chuckle and lunged, Sora brought up his blade in a blind parry, the blades met, and then the knight kicked Sora's feet out from under him. The knight threw the king's blade aside, and brought the tip of his own just under Sora's chin.

"Yield." He commanded.

"Never." Sora spat defiantly.

The knight lifted his key blade over his head, and once again readied himself to deal the final blow. Suddenly, however, a sphere of light crashed into the knight's chest, and he back pedalled, dazed. Another came, but this time he had the sense to block it. Sora leapt to his feet, searching for his savior.

At the edge of the forest stood Kairi, her fists glowing pale orange, and with her was Riku, his blade, _the soul eater_ was drawn. The silver haired teen leapt forwards, intent on the knight, he sped past Sora, his face a grim, pale mask. The knight barely had time to prepare himself, as Riku's blade hummed a tune of sadness, and long nights spent without the sun, and they collided.

Riku was ordinarily rather sluggish due to his self impairment, but when facing his opponent, he became a dervish of destruction; his foes often had no time to defend themselves against Riku, for his days in the realm of the heartless had undoubtedly hardened him.

The knight was feeling the full sting of this, as Riku's blade whizzed and slashed about faster than his own, Riku's hair flailed senselessly like snakes, and his dark shape was a blur to all, he danced and ducked, his brow creased in concentration as he visualised his opponent. Their blades met in a blur, gold set against violet and crimson, but neither man was about to back down. Finally they drew away from each other.

"Bloody hell! Every one wants to cross my damn bridge! I have said it once, I've said it a thousand times, I move for no man!"

The knight shouted angrily to the sky. Kairi's face relaxed at the man's words. She stepped toward him, despite Sora's protests not to go any closer. Finally, Kairi stood face to face with the knight, who still held his blade at the ready.

"For no man, huh?" she asked innocently.

"Aye" he replied hesitantly. Kairi pondered his words for a moment, her arms folded, her lips pursed in thought. Without warning, she leaned forward and kissed the man's helmeted cheek. Sora's jaw dropped, and Riku was unsure of what had just happened. Kairi turned to Sora and winked, she turned to face the knight, who had dropped his sword.

"Could be soooo kind and let me cross your bridge, good sir knight?" she asked sweetly, her gloved hands clasped together in front of her. The knight shuffled uncomfortably.

"oohh, gosh, you… don't need to ask…" he answered, chuckling nervously.

"Thank you, good sir knight." She answered politely, curtseying.

She gestured to her friends to follow. Sora tread after her, he turned and noticed that Riku still hadn't moved. He sighed, and grabbed Riku's vest, pulling him after him. Kairi was allowed to cross the bridge safely, the knight standing to the side. However, when Riku and Sora approached, the knight stepped into their path.

"None shall pass." He stated. At this, Sora's face turned blood red, his eyes widening with rage.

"STEP ASIDE!" he shouted angrily. Kairi sighed, drawing her key blade, _floral fragrance_. She stepped behind the knight and with a great heave, she clove downwards on the knight's shoulder, her blade humming a song of flowers and growth.

_Thud!_

The knight's left arm fell to the earth in a bloody heap, leaving a bloody stump under his shoulder where his arm used to be, yet he didn't cry out painfully, he merely turned to face Kairi, who held her key blade tightly in her delicate fist.

"Let them pass! You can no longer defend yourself!" she declared with as much authority as she could muster.

The man glanced at the stump.

"Aw, it's just a scratch." He replied casually. Riku brought up his blade and severed the man's right arm, which fell to the blood stained earth alongside its twin.

The knight turned to face Riku now, his voice angry and childish.

"I'll do you for that!" he said, leaping forward and trying to hit Riku with his head.

"Oh what are you gonna do? Bleed on me?!" Riku replied, easily fending off the knight.

"I'm invincible!" the man cried. Sora rolled his eyes and, picking up his key blade, severed the Knight's legs from under him. The knight fell onto what was left of his hips, and he looked up the three companions who surrounded him.

"I'm telling you! It's just a flesh wound! But heck… if you wanna cross that bridge so badly, then I'll call it a draw! So, how 'bout another fight, eh?"

The three companions shared glances, then turned and trotted over the bridge.

"Oh… too scared, huh? C'mon, get back here! I'll bite your legs off!"

But the companions had already ridden out of earshot.

End of chapter 2.

Well there's chapter 2. as for the an note, I know Sephiroth only has one sword, I just added in another one for the heck of it. Sorry this took so long. Will probably edit. Any tips or constructive criticisms are welcome.


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